This was going to be a happy New Year blog. Then I reminded my self of the realities of my life at present. I am not writing a blog for SEO (search engine optimization) but more as a kind of journal of where I am and what is important to me at any time. I read back over my own blogs and smile, remember and am proud of who I am now for I have come a long way in those years I have been keeping my Yoga in Cheshire blog.
At the end of this year, 2013, I am entering the final phases of building a house extension. As all who have done so will understand it creates more mess than is feasible (dust in the microwave?), it costs more than the original quote… as there’s always complications on route (different foundations/ roof design/ soft ground) as well as the additions on route (spotlights, under floor heating) and the stuff you’d forgotten wasn’t included in the original quote (plumbing in the bathroom). Then the decisions…
As those of you know who read my blogs regularly I am not a fan of decisions. Especially ones that matter yet are about something I know not much about! Like lighting (where/ switches etc) or whether extending my bank loan is really wise!! As the ending to a year already full of grown up decisions and transformational situations….not moving to the USA, deciding not to continue to run my own yoga studio it has felt like the icing on the cake of head battering tiredness.
So what happened?
I got a reminder of the fact I need rest, recuperation and that these decisions are often reversible (even if it costs pride or pennies) and that without yoga and meditation I would have had ‘melt down’ many times over! I was reminded that bodies need rest, not just physically but mentally. I was nudged into some quiet time and am planning to relax for a few days on my own just enjoying pottering, painting and being proud as I remember how far I have come, re evaluate some of my decisions, and understand more of who I am and who I wish to become.
I am learning to like who I am, but more importantly to be kinder to myself. We are none of us perfect and I have such high expectations of myself that unlike most New Year resolutions mine may be to be gentler on myself!! I plan to treat myself with the same care and loving kindness I would view another, both on and off my mat. Listening to my physical restrictions and smiling & appreciating at what I can do not resenting what I can’t. I plan to timetable more time for rest, not learning, not reading, not practice but pure simple doing nothing. I am great at doing nothing… but tend to forget how long it is between my opportunities to do so. I am going to continue on my journey of listening to who I am from the inside out. Trying not to care so much about societies’ expectations of what I should do/ be/ have but instead love what I do/am/have. Yoga is often the glue that holds me together, meditation what helps stop me falling apart.