Being vulnerable…. isn’t it part of being human. We are breakable physically & emotionally. This pretty package that contains our soul, this mind that directs our actions, both are vulnerable. Maybe that’s why we are so scared of being vulnerable because we recognize how easy it is to break?
As children we almost don’t recognize that fear…. children will climb trees, jump off rocks, ride horses fearlessly and generally worry their parents at every opportunity. 
Children also laugh more, smile more easily and are more joyful and appreciative of each moment. It was a family joke that my little brother wouldn’t make adulthood as he had no fear, yet now in his thirties he’s not only maintained that go getting attitude but I think he’s lived a fuller life because of it.
That’s the important thing I am learning…that it seems to be the fear of our vulnerability that shrinks our lives.
It’s as though fear stops us truly touching our lives. Fully immersing ourselves in our lives, our relationships or our experiences.
Fear seems to shrink not only the number and type of activities we enjoy… But our joy in the activities & relationships in which we partake. When do we stop running down hills just for fun and is it fear of falling over that stops us? When we stop being spontaneous because we realise it will hurt if we get it slightly wrong! It’s not just physical activities that we seem to allow to contract…we also allow the fear of being hurt to sneak into our emotional lives and loves. Emotional pain, just as scary and potentially detrimental to our health as physical pain. So as we get older we are more cynical in love, less trusting of new friendships. How sad is that. To consider not opening ourselves to love, to joy or positive experiences just in case they don’t work out in the long run. 
Why do we do this, when do we stop opening our hearts and minds to possibility and instead close inward for fear of being vulnerable, of being hurt? Somebody told me that we develop the ability to realise we are ‘breakable’ in our early twenties…. hence why many of us allow previously loved sports and activities, horse riding, climbing, mountain biking to wane until we become one of those people who talk about what they used to do as a child, not what they do now. Maybe some of this is that our lives get more involved with different things…. adult responsibilities, relationships, careers but I am also sure that some of it is the increased realization of our vulnerability.
It’s not as though we need to be hurt to have that realisation either. As a child I saw many accidents at horse riding events but never seemed to accept that it could happen to me, yet as an adult I am concerned about the possibility of injuring a body that allows me to live a full and exciting life. Emotionally is it that the knocks of adult life harden our hearts? Maybe we build defences and barriers around our ability to be open to love. We become more cynical. Less trusting. We learn to question emotions, to think rather than to feel.
Society seems to encourage the ability to live in the head…. to be logical and analytical rather than emotional from the heart or intuitive from the gut.
Is this because the gut and the heart are more vulnerable? Think of the action of a scared hedgehog…. to curl up and protect the heart and the stomach. Is that what adulthood does to us? Encourages us to raise our prickly outer barrier against the possibility of being hurt?
How sad is that? How do we relearn the openness and trust of a child? How do we remember how to believe? Is it practice? Is it understanding? Is it awareness? Is it a combination of all of these things?
I have decided to be less scared. Less worried about trusting my intuition over my logic. Less scared of being hurt. Less risk adverse. For example I have decided to rediscover my love of horse riding and to apply to go back to university. I am working with ideas for new classes and different places to teach…expandng my yoga classes into Alderley Edge and Knutsford as well as having Warrington yoga classes. I plan to work with balance in my yoga practice, opening my heart in gentle back bends and working with balance in natarajasana (dancer posture) to help me play in life.
I have promised myself to show up every day and truly live. I feel I need to learn to let go, to feel vulnerable to allow myself to feel happiness and joy.
I plan to be more spontaneous and less fearful of letting go (if it’s not a contradiction to plan spontaneity?!). I will open my heart to possibility and trust that vulnerability isn’t such a bad thing. I will practice affirmations about bravery and openness. Expanding my mind in meditation & playing on my yoga mat with balances and stretches.
I will be brave and allow myself to vulnerable. I want to truly live my life and feel joyful. 