This is probably the saddest blog I’ve ever written. I’ve had challenges, met obstacles, been let down, had my heart broken & even had my spine cut into over the years I’ve kept this blog but never have I felt such a loss. I had to say goodbye to my best friend 🙁
My little friend. My chihuahua Pucci died just before new year. He wasn’t in pain and faded away on my mothers’ knee. He was just over a decade old….over ten years of giving love, laughter and pleasure to everyone he met. So so many memories. So much support. So many tears cried into his coat & time spent with him by my side. I feel I’ve lost a limb. His little face used to peer out of the window of the car or the house waiting for me to return to his side. Now it’s me wishing he’d return to mine.
As always when we lose a loved one there’s the regrets. Why didn’t I spend more quality time with him. Give him more love, more treats, more time with just me and him. Why didn’t I let him sleep on the bed with me instead of letting him snore away in his basket in my room (& how that little man could snore!). How could I have stayed out late instead of rushing home to him, or worked long hours leaving him in the company of housemates. However in my heart I know he had a good life. Yes he had to put up with me being grumpy, tired, feeding him tuna when I ran out of dog food. But he was loved. How that little dog was loved.
Ten years ago when we first met my love for him overwhelmed me. I had kept dogs in the past, all the way from childhood I’d had a dog. But not a best friend, a partner in crime. We did so much and went through so much together. He was so tiny & so so cute as a puppy. The cuteness never changed! My heart used to swell in my chest like there wasn’t room for it. I loved him like a child.
He had some peculiar habits…like sliding paper money from people’s back pockets or stealing socks. He loved socks, tissue and toilet roll middles more than any toy I could buy him! Licking legs when you were wet from the shower and his love of children. So so many times people would say they didn’t like small dogs but he was different 🙂 he was a little character. So so much personality & intelligence for such a small mind. And a head to tiny to stroke with more than a few fingers. 
I’d get home from a long day and he’d play. We would walk along the river late in the evening & watch the stars. He would sit and play handsome while I groomed his chest or allow children to dress him up in clothes or push him in prams. He was patient, kind, loving, playful, forgiving. All those characteristics we could learn from. And all in such a cute package.
My memories of him range so widely. From him demonstrating a yoga posture to rows of students in my studio…or him greeting them 
at the door. Joining students, and me, on our yoga mats! His love of the car, of cars, sometimes hiding under them if he’d been naughty. He loved coming on journeys and just being part of my life. He was a character known in my local bank where he’d sit on the ledge by me while I sorted my transactions, sometimes hiding him under the table in restaurants. he came into shops and into people’s homes. The neighbourhood kids would sometimes knock around to see if they could take him for a walk…he loved kids and was so patient with them just to be around them! However where possible, he was with me wherever I was? In my office he’d lie under my desk or behind me, snoring away. In the bedroom he’d sleep under or next to the bed…only allowed in it by housemates or partners! In the living room he’d curl up on the sofa, hopeful I’d decide to watch TV, or at least somebody would! One good reason I choose to have housemates was that it kept him company while I taught evening yoga classes! He wasn’t a foodie, hardly eating much at all and often burying the good bits for later, under cushions or in my yoga room. I will get another dog, another little companion, but they won’t replace what we shared. For the little man taught me so much about love & about friendship. My longest relationship has been with that little dog, he helped me through so much & he has left me a stronger, better person for having known him. 
The last decade we have been through a lot, I’ve grown into a girl who believes in herself and lives her dream…partly because he was by my side. He was my partner in crime, we did so much together and he supported me unerringly through everything. We climbed Snowdon and at the top while I was tired, he was bouncing around charming and flirting his way into new friendships. He never tired while we were out but often slept for hours after a physically active day. He’d drink water from bottle tops and share my meals. We shared so much. I started my little business and he was there through the long days, keeping me company at the studio or in the car. Often charming nervous new students so much when they arrived at my house that they’d sit with him on their lap while completing their information. He moved house with me when I moved in with partners, travelled with me when I visited family and friends. Had a second home at my mothers when I travelled and at friends when I went away overnight. He was welcomed in restaurants and shops, in the bank and into homes. 
He warmed hearts, gave love and smiles wherever he went.
I used to joke he was a loving dog. Where seeing dogs provide eyes for the blind, he provided love for those that needed it.
And it feels that he’s done his job with me. We had our chapter. Our time together. So many memories and so much growth for me in that time. A time where I found myself, my purpose and my place. I found friends…the family you create for yourself. I found myself. This is my way of saying goodbye & thank you for the time we had. No other dog will ever replace you, for what we went though together created who we were.
So he left me. He left me now I’m strong enough to cope alone. He left me to be loved & to love those wonderful people I’ve found who understand me. He left me to my purpose and to my hope. That he’s gone somewhere to play. Somewhere he’s always happy & loved. For that’s how he is in my heart 🙂 that wriggling fluffy bundle of joy I had the honour of sharing my life with for over a decade. The tiny loving pooch who helped create the person I am today.