Unfortunately we spend much time in Avidya (false perception) where we focus more on attachment or our fear of rejection than in reality or love. Maybe we become restricted by fear or ego and the patterns of living that prevent us from softening to opening our hearts. To opening to others and to ourselves. How we see the world is not as it is but as we are…acting from our inner motivations often without examining what they are.
Yet only when we examine them and learn to look inside do we realise how many mental habits are so ingrained they are scary to perceive, as they may seem an integral part of who we are. They are not. Especially those based in fear and need. It is the recognition of our personal habits, tendencies and way of being that is the first step to a transformation to valuing yourself. Less co dependency on letting others affect your behaviour as you learn to value yourself instead.
One of the big spiritual questions. Or questions of life really…. if we don’t know who we are how can we know what we want, where our goals are and what makes us happy. If we don’t polish the mirror in which we view ourselves, or clear the window through which we perceive the external world, how can we answer these questions? Yet how many of us hardly know ourselves let alone accept ourselves. How can others sometimes see us in truer colours than we see our self? That is sad but often so true. We all know people who don’t realise their own physical beauty, amazing individuality or notable talent. When you see a beautiful woman on the street don’t judge. Remember we only see the world from our perception…. like in the Wizard of Oz where the little man hid behind the light show…maybe behind the beautiful sparkly confident exterior of that beautiful woman is a scared little girl worried nobody will love her if she’s just herself. Even in the writing ‘just myself’… As though being yourself; just yourself, isn’t somehow lacking. Another habit I need to acknowledge!
If we externally locate the blame for our failures, use others as our source of self-esteem and fall into the trap that ‘nothing is our fault’ then we are stifling our self. If we do not try we cannot succeed. If we do not learn from our mistakes how are we to grow? If we do not constantly look inside our self how do we find the constant in a world always changing? We are part of a wonderful world… look inward and remember that J and notice how your creativity, your love and yourself expands. Yet we also need to listen to our inner guide. Our intuition to find who we are and what we want and need.
Learning about yourself. Going inward, meditation, being honest, feeling, can be scary…it’s easier to numb it. To look outward & focus on the external. On grasping for material possessions or on fear of rejection & trying to maintain an external image. With being busy, or numbing with food or alcohol or even just distracting with busyness or Facebook or online articles. So much easier to try to read other people’s opinions than truly investigate our own. We are often afraid. Living in fear…of risk, risking being authentic to who we are. Afraid of letting go, laughing, being carefree isn’t as easy as holding onto the ‘Who’ we think we should be. That ‘Who’ which we see through clouded perception as what is expected of us. I love yoga & meditation where all that is expected is to be authentic to who and where you are.
It doesn’t matter if you rest in child’s pose or savasana through most of the physical practice, or cry in savasana or meditation. In fact to do so demonstrates a more authentic listening to what you need, rather than what we think may be expected of us. It’s not easy to turn away from worrying abut being judged but I find again and again the more I allow myself to be vulnerable & authentic, the more I am rewarded with a loving response 🙂 I am learning to be honest, with me, to be open to my heart, my potential to love not to fear. I want to celebrate my individuality rather than hide behind it. I am learning that solitude & solitude allow, encourage, the looking inward that we need to do to discover ourselves. So I am spending more time in the intellectual stimulation and the peacefulness of solitude as well as the discipline of meditation.
Every day I notice the blame we put onto others instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. On our mat that is what works. Self-responsibility, self love, self-exploration, intimacy. Learn to love the quietness of solitude & notice the chatter in your head. Then between the chatter you may find the quiet. Learn to enjoy being on your yoga mat, to enjoy being yourself in your yoga class, and to be happy being you 🙂